The Prowl

The following may read somewhat like a T-Pain song.

My friends Kevin and Alex have recently taken up a new interest. Probably starting with the "get money" movement and climaxing with Usher's "Make Love in This Club", my friends have decided that clubbing is the new thing. This is a tough thing for me, for a number of reasons. I'm the only one in a committed relationship, for one. So, what would I do? Dancing with another girl is cheating, as far as I'm concerned. Yet my friends continued to nag me to go with them. They said I could be "Mikedawg, the tease." Yeah right.

Anyway, last night I stayed at Kevin's and my friends decided that we'd hit The Roxxy in Philly. Too late to go home, I went along for the ride, and had to pay nothing. Basically you get what you pay for. Nevertheless, we all suited up, doused in Armani, and took the Ford pickup to the sleazy streets of Philadelphia. The club was nuts. There were way too many people there, walking around was a chore. Mostly I went for Kevin. Fresh off a breakup, I guess he needed some action. So I walked around with Kevin and Alex for a while.

Some Observations. Most of the guys at clubs who get girls are 5'4 guidos who kind of look like my friend Juicy. Most of the girls in club wear the same thing: Black belly shirt, clearly no bra, jean shorts that show everything, clearly no underwear. I dont understand the hype. Anyway we walked around a while, Kevin and Alex scoping out girls. Somewhere along the way we lost Alex. Kevin and I went upstairs where it was really "bumpin". He spotted a few girls he liked so we moved in. Standing there for a few moments, Kevin asked a tall girl with a nose size comparable to his own to dance. She was clearly Jewish and from New Jersey. They start dancing. She had a short Asian friend with her that would have been perfect for Alex. She looked at me as if I was going to ask her to dance, but I just walked politely away. I'm a faithful man, dammit. I finally met up with Alex downstairs and we sat down in the smoking section for a little while, until it was closed. Then we stood by the wall on the bottom floor. Kevin emerges for upstairs with the same girl under his shoulder. He introduces me to her. They proceed to go to the corner and canoodle. End of story.

Basically the club taught me a few things. Sometimes I wonder if being in a committed relationship at this stage of my life is the right choice for me. After last night I know it is. I didn't dance with anyone, nor did I want to. I thought of my girlfriend, who is in Eastern Europe, the whole time. I didn't look at any girls, didn't find any attractive. Basically the perfect girl for me is a short, clumsy redhead with an excellent work ethic and a slight Napolean complex. She knows how to make me happy, and I miss her a lot.

So maybe that wasn't exactly a T-Pain song. But anyway, here's a try:

Kevdawg broke up with his girl last week so we all went to the club (so we went to the club)
Put on a fresh white suit and a big Ford truck sitting on dubs (sitting on dubs)
He was just looking for somebody to talk to and show him some love (show him some love)
If you know what I mean... Yeah... Uh-Huh...
Everybody's jockin' us as soon as we stepped in the spot (we stepped in the spot)
200 bitches and i bet ain't none of them hot (ain't none of them hot)

Trill...